Jehovah’s Witnesses – The Saga Continues On Friday The 13th

Happy Friday the 13th! Today children, we’re breaking all of the rules. In a few more sentences, you’ll see the decay of my average writing style in exchange for a more juvenile form. The reason I will write this way is because it will be more funny, crass, and quite frankly, why purport that I’m someone or something who I’m not?

To begin, I hate belief systems. They are, as a wise man once said, designed to scare and control primitive people. While I don’t see today’s victim causing holy wars or beheading journalists, Jehovah’s Witnesses (JW hereafter) are the worst pests for which there exists no repellent. Any given day of the week, they can be seen in your neighborhood, decked out in attire fit for pimps and queens. They approach your door with smiles ready to sell you on some shit you never wanted. Trespassing is a better word for what they actually do. All bullshit and jokes aside, the best deterrent for these fuckers is a dog. Let your dog outside and they are sure to stay where they belong- off your property. Of course you could opt to place some sort of signage in front of your house, but let’s face it, why fuck up your house when you aren’t the problem. There are other things which come to mind…

In my line of work, it is incredibly hard to help them. When they come in and present their bullshit, I think to myself, “you believe this, so why are you here?” Such an ass-backwards type of thinking, these parasites would rather face death than receive blood products.

No thanks, I've got tiger blood.

Yes, you read that right. Perhaps you were already aware of this little fact. What you may not know is that they are not allowed to own pictures, celebrate birthdays, vote, salute the American flag, and a whole bunch of shit that makes Scientology look good. But I digress; let’s get back to the blood thing. The constituents of blood are as follows: erythrocytes, leukocytes, thrombocytes, plasma, serum albumin, anti-bodies, proteins and electrolytes. Nothing’s weird there. Everything you have just read is necessary to maintain homeostasis within the human body. However, these brain-dead bastards have it in their belief system that taking the important and lifesaving component of human blood into their circulatory system is somehow wrong. This translates to a higher mortality rate. Epic fail. A 2002 medical article by Khadra et al states:

“In the CEMD the very high risk of mortality in women who refuse blood transfusion was highlighted. The death rate in this group was 1 per 1,000 maternities compared with an expected incidence of less than 1 per 100, 000 maternities.”

Our next insult is child molestation. Would you believe that they have one of the highest rates of unreported cases of child molestation? These accounts are made public through DHS, and other government agencies that investigate cults, as well as defectors of “the watchtower.”

These little fuckers had the right idea.

But we should also understand that just as any other instance of molestation cases, these go unreported, largely due to the silence of the victimized. They are brainwashed from a very young age.


We should be asking ourselves, what asshole is responsible for this shit? Who founded a cult so determined on recruiting that you don’t even have to leave your house; they’ll come to yours. Who is this asshole? Charles Taze Russell. Born in Pennsylvania, in 1852, this jerkoff recruited an army of like-minded assholes who easily digested what he was throwing up. He was most likely not the first to molest his followers, but he would not be the last.

He's right!

In summation, I hate them. I wish they would all fall off the face of the planet. Moving on to another neighborhood just means that they are migrating instead of dying. My words are harsh but their religion is worse. To quote the late Chuck Schuldiner, “If you doubt what I say, I will make you believe.” The following closing is lengthy, but necessary. This is a list of everything JWs are prohibited from performing on a daily basis. Happy Friday the 13th, Jehovah’s Witnesses!

141 Things Jehovah’s Witnesses Can’t Do

  1. Belong to another organization or club for the purpose of socializing with nonbelievers
  2. Have best friends and activity buddies who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses
  3. Associate with people outside their organization when it is not necessary
  4. Attend social functions sponsored by their employer unless attendance is required
  5. Associate with coworkers after business hours in a social settings
  6. Disagree with their organization’s rules and code of conduct
  7. Disagree with their organization’s doctrines
  8. Contribute to the Presidential Campaign Fund on their tax return
  9. Join the armed forces and defend their country
  10. Say the Pledge of Allegiance
  11. Salute the flag
  12. Vote
  13. Run for leadership in their organization
  14. Run for leadership in any organization
  15. Take a stand for any political issue inside their organization
  16. Take a stand on any political or ‘worldly’ issue outside of their organization
  17. Campaign for a political candidate
  18. Hold political office
  19. Discuss politics
  20. Be a union steward or shop steward
  21. Actively be involved in a union strike
  22. Use a gun for protection against humans
  23. Become a police officer if a gun is required
  24. Wear military uniforms or clothing associated with war
  25. Take yoga classes and practice the discipline of yoga. See Is Yoga For Christians?
  26. Smoke tobacco and cigars
  27. Work full time selling tobacco and cigars
  28. Attend Alcoholics Anonymous
  29. Donate blood
  30. Have blood transfusions
  31. Read books, magazines, publications, and literature from other religions.
  32. Buy anything from a church store
  33. Buy something at a church garage sale
  34. Donate items to a church run store
  35. Shop at the Salvation Army
  36. Work for the Salvation Army
  37. Work for another church
  38. Play competitive sports on a school team
  39. Play competitive sports professionally
  40. Run for class president
  41. Become a cheerleader
  42. Go to the school prom or school dance.
  43. Attend class reunions
  44. Be hypnotized
  45. Accept Jesus as their mediator, 1 Timothy 2:5. See Mediator
  46. Join the Boy Scouts
  47. Join the Girl Guides
  48. Join the YMCA.
  49. Serve on jury duty
  50. Study psychology, philosophy, sociology, and viewpoints that might shake their faith.
  51. Attend other Christian churches
  52. Attend nondenominational churches
  53. Attend non Christian churches
  54. Get married in another church
  55. Dating non believers is discouraged
  56. Casual dating is discouraged
  57. Dating someone without the intent of getting married
  58. Having sex before marriage
  59. Breaking an engagement can result in disciplinary action
  60. Marriage to non believers is not recommended
  61. Be gay or lesbian. Homosexuality is not acceptable.
  62. Throw rice at a wedding
  63. Get divorced unless the reason is adultery
  64. Can’t remarry unless their ex commits fornication first
  65. Toast drinks
  66. Buy a raffle ticket
  67. Play bingo
  68. Gamble
  69. Sing any holiday songs
  70. Sing the National Anthem
  71. Celebrate Christmas – Why?
  72. Celebrate New Years Eve – Why?
  73. Celebrate Easter – Why?
  74. Celebrate Mother’s Day – Why?
  75. Celebrate Father’s Day
  76. Celebrate birthdays – Why?
  77. Celebrate Thanksgiving
  78. Celebrate Flag Day
  79. Celebrate Veteran’s Day
  80. Celebrate Independence Day
  81. Celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day
  82. Celebrate Valentine’s Day
  83. Celebrate Halloween – Why?
  84. Celebrate Hanukkah
  85. Accept holiday gifts – Why?
  86. Celebrate any holiday except the death of Jesus – Why?
  87. Partake in the bread and wine that represents Christ unless they are part of the 144,000
  88. Make holiday artwork for school
  89. Engage in holiday parties at school
  90. Take on a leadership role in school
  91. Porneia
  92. Do suggestive and immodest dancing in a public place
  93. Attend a class, workshop, or seminar, sponsored by another church
  94. Attend social events or fund raisers sponsored by another church
  95. Use of bad language (curse words) is discouraged
  96. Wear blue jeans, shorts, and casual clothing at the Kingdom Hall
  97. Wear pants at a Kingdom Hall if you’re a woman
  98. Wear revealing clothes or skirts that are too short (looked down upon)
  99. Wear long hair or facial hair if you’re a man (depends on the local customs of the country you live in)
  100. Body piercings are discouraged
  101. Tattoos are discouraged
  102. State or imply that the Watchtower is not run by Jehovah God.
  103. Have discussions and express Bible based viewpoints that contradict the organization’s beliefs
  104. Say anything negative about their organization. JW’s must ‘speak in agreement’ and be ‘like-minded’.
  105. Consider other religious beliefs as valid and truthful.
  106. Acknowledge any prayer spoken by a non believer as valid
  107. Take another Jehovah’s Witness to court
  108. Wear or own a cross
  109. Own any religious picture
  110. Own any religious statue
  111. Engage in idolatry
  112. Believe in miracles (except those found in the Bible) See Miracles
  113. Believe in ghosts
  114. Witchcraft
  115. Black magic
  116. White magic
  117. Consult with a psychic or become one
  118. Study tarot cards, get a reading or give a reading
  119. Study numerology or get a reading
  120. Dabble in ESP (extrasensory perception), dowsing, or divination
  121. Use a tool such as a pendulum to access information from the spiritual realm
  122. Attempt to communicate with departed spirits
  123. Attend a seance
  124. Believe in good luck or say things such as ‘Good luck to you’. Why?
  125. Believe in anything superstitious
  126. Prophesy
  127. Speaking in tongues
  128. Laying on of hands
  129. Energy healing such as Reiki
  130. Read their horoscope
  131. Study astrology or zodiac signs
  132. Combat training, boxing, or martial arts
  133. Go to heaven unless they are part of the 144,000
  134. Worship Jesus as God
  135. Idolize any celebrity or love and admire them to excess
  136. Women can’t be elders
  137. Women can’t be ministerial servants (assistants to the elders)
  138. Divulge secret information to enemies of their organization and those not entitled to know. See Theocratic Warfare
  139. Greet or talk with disfellowshipped persons except for immediate family living in the same house (except for rare exceptions)
  140. Associate with disfellowshipped persons except for immediate family living in the same house
  141. Keep secrets from the organization. Jehovah’s Witnesses must report friends and family members who break any of the Watchtower rules.

    The only solution.


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One Response to Jehovah’s Witnesses – The Saga Continues On Friday The 13th

  1. Rob Conway says:

    Where do I sign up?

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